July 18, 2016
Well, baby boy, today was day two. If at all possible, I missed you even more than yesterday. I was admittedly angry this afternoon at the realization time was still passing in your absence. There were a few times when I felt my body screaming to be close to you, to nourish you and cuddle. I spent hours remembering your adorable face, your soft skin and you precious hands and feet. Your daddy remains endlessly proud of how big you tiny baby feet were. We talked about who you look like. You have my tiny mouth and puffy eyes, your daddy’s brow bone and perfect nose. It blows my mind that we made you.
Your Aunt Isabel helped order a beautiful journal with your name on it today. You and I are going to talk. As you have likely picked up on, I am chatty – watch out.
On another note, you need to know how much I love your daddy. Losing you collapsed his world, but he has been so strong when I have been a mess. Don’t get me wrong – I have always known I loved your dad, but the last four days have really illuminated how deep that love really runs and what a great man he is. If you had turned out even a bit like him, you would have been set. We are lucky to be so loved by him.
We are going to plant some trees for you. I can’t decide what kind you would like. Whatever we pick, we will have one here in New Hampshire and one back in Pennsylvania to let us feel slightly closer to you. I hope you love it. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as a laughter tree. Your name means “he will laugh” and I had somehow forgotten that until now. It seems extra fitting now, since while pregnant with you people were always commenting on how when I laughed, you and my whole belly would heartily join in.
I won’t say my pregnancy with you was a blast, but gosh we did have our moments and it was all so easily worth it just to see you come into this world.
Always remember, despite your parents’ endless grief, that you were worth it. You are, after all, perfect.
Love you forever,